It’s a gold mine. It’s magical. It’s an absolute fairy tale. I keep Wikipedia permanently open as a tab (you know, since I don’t have an iPhone) but maybe I should switch because clearly Conservapedia is even more hilarious than I thought when I last took a peek, around the time of its inception.
Since part of Wikipedia’s awesomeness is the hive mind efforts of every smart person working together, you’d think that smart conservatives (who really do exist) would exercise some kind on influence. But no, Conservapedia was born under a saturnine star which continues to govern its dark soul with all sorts of malefic affects.
Consider teh stupid in the opening paragraph salvo:
Barack Hussein Obama II (allegedly born in Honolulu,[1][2][3] August 4, 1961) served as a first-term Democratic Senator from Illinois (2004-2008) and then, along with his running mate Senator Joseph Biden, won the presidential election[4] after twenty-three months of campaigning, raising and spending an unprecedented $650 million, most of which came from anonymous donors. An apparent Muslim, Obama could use the Koran when he is sworn into office.
How apparent-Muslim is he?
Obama uses the Muslim Pakistani pronunciation for “Pakistan” rather than the common American one.
Wow, pretty goddamn Muslim. (The above is cited as proof of it; you’d think affecting your erudition would go under “elitism,” but no.) Except that
There is apparently no evidence … of Barack Obama’s joining of a Mosque (The Islamic house of worship) at any time in his life.
But he’s still a Muslim. And as a Muslim, he is indifferent to the suffering of others:
The October 2008 crimes against Academy Award winner Jennifer Hudson’s family highlight Obama’s record against law and order, as he voted against making it a crime in Illinois “for convicts on probation or on bail to have contact with a street gang.”
That is totally my favorite thing of all time. It makes me wish I was way right-wing because maybe, maybe I could get paid to say and write things like that.
Going back under the headline “Obama will likely be the nation’s first Muslim president” (As a tangent, why, if you really think he’s a Muslim, would that be merely likely? Because they haven’t updated this in a month, or because Conservapedia’s crack researchers haven’t outed LBJ as a Muhammedan yet?) you can find this gem:
Obama has chosen the Secret Service code name “Renegade”. “Renegade” conventionally describes someone who goes against normal conventions of behavior, but its first usage was to describe someone who has turned from their religion. It is a word derived from the Spanish renegado, meaning “Christian turned Muslim.”
Oh, really? And since Nancy Reagan chose Rainbow, she’s a big old dyke. Not to mention Ronald Reagan being a leather daddy for picking Rawhide. Jeb Bush does acid because his code is Tripper. And don’t you know that Barbra Streisand controls the Clintons because Hillary’s was taken from her hit song, Evergreen. I seriously doubt that people pick their own names. (Can’t say I understand why the Secret Service leaks these codes, but that’s another story).
This little swipe is pretty typical of the stringent guidelines designed to prevent unsubstantiated attacks from sullying the temple of knowledge:
He has no clear personal achievement that cannot be explained as the likely result of affirmative action.
But this just defies description:
Another feature of the Obama campaign is the unruly audience. CNN reported in October of 2008 [117], that people are calling John McCain a terrorist at these events. According to Sen. McCain, “I’ve heard the [label terrorist], unfortunately, at Senator Obama’s rallies being said about me. There’s always a fringe element.” Other eyewitness reports are harsher.
I don’t know how Sarah Palin is going to run for president in 2012 when she’s spending so much time in the library doing research so she can inform us about Obama.
God bless you, Conservapedia. But suck it, also. You are really fucking dumb.
Suck the Rainbow 